From the age of five through 12, I was molested and violated by three people. During my abuse, I was taught that silence equaled loyalty, that pain meant obedience, and that fear was equivalent to love.
I lived in a very dark and tormented place where my demons became my friends and my friends became my enemies. I found solace in being alone, and I became very introverted. Depression became such a comforting place for me that I welcomed suicide twice when I was 16 years of age.
When I realized that I could not escape this “Hell” called Earth, or that it was simply not my time to go, it occurred to me that I just might have a purpose here.
I began to draw strength from studying the happiness of other people, learning what gave them purpose and working to understand what drives a person’s will to live.
Throughout my journey, I have made peace with my past. Two of my abusers completely deny that they ever hurt me and one of them “apologized” via social media. With or without their apologies, or their acknowledgement for destroying my childhood, I have stopped trying to change the past.
Instead, I find gratitude in the things I CAN change. I’ve learned to live in the present and to appreciate the people in my life who truly care for me. I’ve learned to change my mindset, to elevate my energy, and to speak positive affirmations over my life. I am mindful of how I treat people; I no longer lash out at them for someone else’s mistakes. I am purposeful when I share my space with others. I’ve found a voice in my silence. I’ve found healing in a dark place, which has slowly forced me to enter an uncomfortable space called, forgiveness. Because of my broken past, I am able to connect with people and empathize with their joy and pain. I am now capable of being transparent and unapologetically happy.
I am entering my sixth year of teaching and will release my first children’s book titled, “Love You for You!” in June of 2017. My book promotes diversity, self-love, self-esteem, and self-care. I was the most lost, hurt, and destroyed during my childhood. As a teacher, I am able to see the light in a child’s eyes on a daily basis. I’m able to love them, protect them, and give them the most positive memories ever. This simply overjoys my heart. The love and light that I shine in my classroom is the same positive energy that I want to share with the world through literature.
I honestly don’t know where I would be if I had never been broken as a child. I am grateful for the healing and for the positive energy that the healing process has allowed me to bestow on others.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: PRECIOUS ALLEN
Precious Allen teaches in the Inner City of Chicago. Aside from teaching her students, she loves to engage them in daily meditations and affirmations, weekly Yoga exercises, and mindful activities. Precious is the author of a children's book titled "Love You for You!" Her book promotes the appreciation of diversity, self-love, and self-esteem. She is thrilled to have her book released in June of 2017! You can find Precious on Instagram at www.instagram.com/Precious_Allen_The_Author.