I love these expressions: “go with your gut,” “follow your intuition,” and “go with the flow of the universe.” They remind me to stay tuned in to the beautiful energy flowing through and around me. This powerful and positive energy is always available, yet somehow, in the busyness of the day, it is easy to become disconnected from it.
With that in mind, a couple of weeks ago, I decided to make more of an effort to “go with my gut.” Rather than trying to force decisions, I’ve been letting my intuition lead the way. If I’m struggling with a decision, I pause. I take a second to acknowledge the friction in my head. I also consider if any part of my decision is based on fear. If it is, I try to shift my mindset and use gratitude and abundance as a guide.
Next, I think about what feels right, in the moment. I try not to obsess about the future implications of the decision or the pros and cons. When I shed the weight and burden of calculating the perfect answer to a decision, the answer that feels best reveals itself. I go with that, and move on. The more I practice this, the easier it becomes.
In a few situations, I’ve even started driving my car before I knew exactly where I was going. I wanted to find out where my intuition would take me. Just this week, this little experiment has resulted in me meeting two amazing individuals, who I would not have otherwise met if I had gone where I initially intended.
I’m pleased to say, this approach has not steered me wrong. In fact, it has guided me so well, I was inspired to write this blog to share the story that follows.
My husband and I have been trying to start a family for six years. It started with a year of tracking and journaling, then we advanced to in vitro fertilization (IVF), and for the last 15 months, we’ve been working to adopt a child from foster care. Despite our best efforts, and being open to all opportunities, we do not yet have children. We came very close to adopting a 10-year old boy in January 2017, but the other family being considered was chosen.
For the past two months, we have seriously considered moving on from all of this. We are incredibly content as things are, and we finally realized we can be happy with or without a family. Time healed the wounds of our expectations, and through gratitude, we’ve grown to appreciate the fullness of our life together.
Despite our new-found openness to possibly not having kids, the idea of doing another embryo transfer crept back into my head about two weeks ago. Then, last Thursday, April 6, I woke up and felt the need to email my doctor in Los Angeles to find out if I could see her during our upcoming 5-day visit to LA to see family.
Before I could finish the email to her, I decided I was being too impulsive. I deleted the email and went on to do other things. No more than five minutes later, the urge to email her came over me again. This time it was even stronger, and I was reminded of my new commitment to go with my gut. Clearly my intuition was telling me to get in touch with her, so I listened. A few emails and text messages later, and I had an appointment for Tuesday, April 11.
On April 11, I went into the appointment feeling great. I felt excited to hear what she had to say, and to find out when we could potentially do another embryo transfer. I felt a sense of clarity, and I was pleased to hear she thought the transfer could take place in the May/June timeframe. All was as I expected. Then, we went into the exam room for an ultrasound.
During my scan, I believe my doctor’s words were, “Wow, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. We should transfer embryos next week.”
Me: “Are you serious?”
My doctor: “I think so.”
Me: “Does this ever happen?”
My doctor: “Not like this, but yes. It’s called a natural cycle.”
Before I knew it, I was getting blood work done, and the nurse was plotting out a calendar and my medication schedule. A few weeks ago I was prepared to move on from having kids, and now my doctor was walking me through which embryos she thought we should use.
Despite heroic measures to get pregnant multiple times, via IVF, over a three-year period, somehow, based on an impulse, I waltzed into my doctor’s office (in Los Angeles, 11 hours from my home, during a 5-day vacation to see family) in the very small window of time where it would be possible to initiate what is called a “natural cycle” frozen embryo transfer, during a month where my body seems to have done some sort of miraculous reset, after taking 15 months off from IVF to try to adopt.
After the shock wore off, I found my brain dancing with the pros, the cons, and the what-ifs. I’m a professional at overanalyzing things, so this really had my head spinning, but I was reminded, once again, about my commitment to listen to my intuition. It was a gut feeling that led me to my doctor’s office in this small and miraculous window of opportunity. How could I let anything other than my gut (I think there might be a pun here) continue to guide the way?
My husband agreed (he too is thrilled by how all of this has unfolded), so we decided to go for it. We don’t have the date of the transfer yet, but it will likely be late next week. Talk about hot off the press!
I’ve spent the last few days trying to make sense of all of this. Historically this is the moment my brain goes into self-preservation mode, “Be cautious. Don’t get your hopes up. Let people know you’re not getting your hopes up. Don’t jinx this. Tell people you’ll be ok if it doesn’t work out. Don’t celebrate until you’re pregnant.” All seem like natural reactions, but this line of thinking no longer works for me. I’ve said these things over and over, and they haven’t shielded me, my husband, or our families from disappointment. It’s time to do it differently, so I’m owning this win. I’m living in the moment. I’ve feeling incredibly grateful. I’m celebrating now, and I’m not going to wait.
In his lectures, Wayne Dyer talks about “detaching yourself from the outcome.” If I look at my current situation, and detach from the outcome, there is no denying what has occurred in the last week, in our quest for a family, is a miracle. Pregnancy or no pregnancy, what is happening right now is seriously unbelievable. It is an amazing surprise and gift from the universe. My body is functioning just as it should be, and historically it hasn’t done that. Even more wondrous than that, we found out about it, because I had a gut feeling to contact my doctor, out of nowhere, and I listened. I let go and followed the flow of the energy that was guiding me.
I don’t know the rest of this story yet, but at this point, it’s irrelevant, because the story so far this week has been awesome. I believe we get what we think about, so I’m choosing to revel in the fun and adventure that has ensued since I woke up on April 6. Why wait to celebrate that? Here’s to gratitude and gut feelings!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: CAROLINE CLAVIN
Caroline is the Founder of Chief Gratitude Officer. To read more about Caroline and why she started CGO, CLICK HERE.
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